you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
