Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
