4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
