we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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