My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
