I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
