help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
