Say something about gay babies.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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