So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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