Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
