i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
