Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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