Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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