You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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