her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
how does that bad decision feel?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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