I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
