I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
