So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
