____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The feeling are messing with the penis
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
