I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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