No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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