Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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