ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
