I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
