I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
