I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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