mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
