I wish I could punch you in the face.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
