His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Everclear isn't food dammit
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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