I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
