Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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