So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
