You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
