i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
