I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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