just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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