God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
