the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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