Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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