They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
