There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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