imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
