Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
COCAINE IS GR8
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
