Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
