you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
