Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
