last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
