does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
