dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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