FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
